ADHD and Limerence: The Intense Infatuation Cycle Explained
If you have ADHD, you might have experienced an intense, obsessive attachment to someone—whether it’s a romantic interest or a new friend. This overwhelming fixation, often called limerence, can be exhilarating and painful, leading to emotional highs and lows that are difficult to manage. But why does limerence hit so hard for people with ADHD?
What Is Limerence?
Limerence is an intense emotional state of obsession, often characterized by:
Intrusive thoughts about a specific person (the limerent object)
A deep craving for reciprocation
Emotional highs when receiving attention and devastating lows when ignored
Idealization of the person, often overlooking red flags
Difficulty focusing on daily tasks due to overwhelming thoughts about the person
While limerence is often associated with romantic relationships, it doesn’t have to be romantic. People with ADHD may also experience this level of obsession with a new friend, mentor, or even a coworker.
Why Are People with ADHD More Prone to Limerence?
ADHD brains are wired for intense focus and novelty-seeking. When someone with ADHD forms a connection, their brain can hyperfixate, making it hard to shift focus. Several factors contribute to this:
1. Dopamine Dysregulation
ADHD is linked to lower dopamine levels, making novelty and excitement highly appealing. Whether it’s a new crush or a new best friend, the thrill of a fresh connection spikes dopamine, leading to an addictive emotional high.
2. Emotional Dysregulation
People with ADHD often experience emotions more intensely than neurotypical individuals. This can lead to extreme reactions—feeling euphoric over a message one moment and devastated by perceived rejection the next.
3. Hyperfixation and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
ADHD hyperfixation makes it easy to become obsessed with a person, replaying every interaction and interpreting their every move. Combined with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)—a heightened emotional response to perceived rejection—limerence can feel devastating when attention isn’t reciprocated.
4. Friendship Limerence
While romantic limerence is well known, people with ADHD may also develop friendship limerence. This can look like:
Feeling euphoric when a new friend reaches out
Constantly thinking about interactions with them
Feeling devastated if they don’t text back immediately or seem distant
Wanting to be their favorite or closest friend
Overanalyzing their responses for signs of rejection
This intensity can sometimes overwhelm the other person, leading to relationship strain.
What Does Research Say About ADHD and Limerence?
Recent research has explored the connection between ADHD and limerence, offering insight into why individuals with ADHD may be more susceptible to these intense emotional experiences.
A study by Avila et al. (2019) examined infatuation, passionate love, and impulsivity in adolescents with ADHD. The findings suggested that individuals with ADHD exhibited higher levels of infatuation, often driven by impulsivity and sensation-seeking behaviors—traits that align with limerence patterns.
Additionally, a case study by Tennov & Moore (2021) in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology detailed the treatment of limerence using cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). The study highlighted the effectiveness of CBT techniques, particularly exposure and response prevention, in reducing obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors related to limerence.
A 2024 scoping review by Jensen & Wallace explored limerence and its relationship with rumination, emphasizing the need for further research into its connection with ADHD. The review suggested that rumination, a common ADHD symptom, may reinforce obsessive thoughts in limerence, making it more difficult for individuals with ADHD to break free from fixation on a specific person.
These studies contribute to a growing body of research aimed at understanding the interplay between ADHD, emotional hyperfixation, and limerence. They also provide insight into therapeutic approaches that may help individuals manage these intense emotional experiences.
The Downside of ADHD Limerence
While limerence can feel intoxicating—filling life with excitement, urgency, and purpose—it often comes with significant emotional and practical downsides. Because the ADHD brain is wired for novelty, intensity, and hyperfocus, the obsessive thoughts and emotional swings that come with limerence can create chaos in daily life.
1. Neglecting Responsibilities
When someone with ADHD experiences limerence, their ability to focus on daily responsibilities can plummet. This hyperfixation can lead to:
Work or school performance issues – Tasks that once felt manageable may now seem unimportant compared to thoughts about the limerent object. Missed deadlines, incomplete assignments, or lost productivity can become a major issue.
Neglecting hobbies and personal interests – ADHD limerence can consume so much mental energy that previous passions and hobbies take a backseat. Someone who once loved painting, running, or writing may struggle to engage in those activities when their mind is constantly occupied by thoughts of the person they’re fixated on.
Strained friendships and social withdrawal – If someone is hyperfocused on one specific person, they might unintentionally neglect other important relationships. Friends may feel ignored or unimportant, and social circles can shrink.
2. Poor Relationship Choices
Limerence can cause people to idealize their limerent object, overlooking incompatibilities or red flags. This can lead to:
Falling for unavailable or unhealthy partners – The dopamine-fueled rush of limerence can make emotionally unavailable people seem more appealing. Individuals with ADHD may chase after someone who is inconsistent, emotionally distant, or even manipulative.
Ignoring personal values and needs – In an attempt to gain reciprocity, someone in limerence may compromise their own needs, values, or personal boundaries. They may ignore deal-breakers or tolerate behavior they wouldn’t otherwise accept.
Overwhelming the other person – The intensity of limerence can be overwhelming for the limerent object. The constant need for reassurance, validation, and attention can put pressure on the relationship, sometimes causing the other person to pull away.
3. Emotional Exhaustion from Highs and Lows
Limerence is emotionally draining, often creating an intense cycle of elation and despair:
Extreme highs – When the limerent object gives attention, responds to a message, or expresses interest, the person with ADHD may feel euphoric—experiencing a surge of dopamine and motivation.
Crushing lows – If the limerent object doesn’t reciprocate, takes a long time to reply, or seems distant, the emotional crash can be devastating. These intense mood swings can take a serious toll on mental health.
Increased stress and anxiety – The preoccupation with whether feelings are mutual, interpreting every small interaction, and worrying about rejection can create chronic stress and anxiety.
4. Difficulty Moving On After Rejection
For many people with ADHD, shifting attention away from a limerent object after rejection or distance can feel almost impossible. This difficulty in moving on can result in:
Rumination and overanalysis – The ADHD brain tends to latch onto unresolved emotions, replaying conversations, analyzing interactions, and obsessing over "what went wrong."
Persistent hope despite clear rejection – Even if the other person has explicitly moved on, those with ADHD may struggle to fully accept it, continuing to hold out hope for a change in circumstances.
Depression and emotional burnout – If limerence is prolonged or ends in rejection, the emotional toll can lead to deep sadness, feelings of unworthiness, and even symptoms of depression. The abrupt loss of dopamine and emotional connection can leave a void, making it difficult to regain motivation or joy in everyday life.
Recognizing the downsides of ADHD limerence is the first step toward managing it. While the emotions may feel overwhelming, strategies such as therapy, mindfulness, cognitive reframing, and boundary-setting can help regain control and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
How to Manage ADHD Limerence
Breaking free from limerence is challenging, especially when you have ADHD. The cycle of hyperfixation, emotional highs and lows, and obsessive thoughts can feel all-consuming. However, with the right strategies, you can regain control, regulate your emotions, and build healthier thought patterns.
1. Recognize the Pattern
Awareness is the first step in managing ADHD limerence. Many people don’t realize they are experiencing limerence until they find themselves obsessing over someone—whether it's a romantic interest, a new friend, or even a mentor. By identifying the pattern, you can start to detach from intrusive thoughts.
Acknowledge the neurological aspect – Your brain is wired to crave novelty, intensity, and dopamine. Limerence isn’t just about the person; it’s about how your brain reacts to them.
Notice triggers – Do you spiral into rumination after an interaction? Does their attention give you a dopamine rush? Recognizing what fuels the limerence can help you take proactive steps to manage it.
Reframe your thoughts – Instead of thinking, “I can’t stop thinking about them,” try, “My brain is seeking a dopamine hit, but I have control over where I focus my attention.”
2. Distract Yourself with Other Interests
One of the most effective ways to break the cycle of rumination is to redirect your hyperfocus. Since ADHD brains thrive on novelty and challenge, engaging in meaningful activities can help replace the mental space that limerence occupies.
Engage in a creative project – Writing, painting, playing music, or any artistic endeavor can channel emotions in a productive way.
Immerse yourself in exercise – Running, hiking, yoga, or rock climbing not only provide a dopamine boost but also help regulate emotions.
Deep dive into a hobby – Learning a new skill, such as a language, instrument, or coding, can offer a sense of achievement and keep your brain engaged.
Socialize with other people – Spending time with friends, family, or even joining new social circles can remind you that connection exists outside of the limerent object.
3. Practice Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation
The emotional highs and lows of limerence can be exhausting. Learning to regulate emotions can help prevent intense attachment and reduce distress when things don’t go as hoped.
Meditation and breathwork – Mindfulness meditation can help you detach from obsessive thoughts and create space between stimulus and reaction. Apps like Headspace or Insight Timer can be helpful.
Journaling – Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help process emotions and reduce their intensity. Try a “thought log” where you write what you’re feeling, what triggered it, and how you can reframe it.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques – Challenge distorted thoughts such as “They are the only person who understands me” or “I’ll never feel this way again.” Instead, replace them with balanced perspectives.
Practice self-soothing techniques – Engage in calming activities like listening to music, taking a walk, or using grounding exercises to stay present.
4. Set Boundaries
If the limerent object is consuming your mental and emotional energy, setting boundaries is crucial. This doesn’t always mean cutting them out completely, but it does mean reducing their emotional impact on you.
Limit digital exposure – If seeing their social media posts triggers obsessive thoughts, consider unfollowing, muting, or even blocking them. Out of sight, out of mind.
Reduce unnecessary interactions – If they’re a co-worker or friend, keep interactions brief and professional to avoid fueling the attachment.
Establish emotional boundaries – If you find yourself constantly analyzing their words and actions, remind yourself: “Their behavior is not a reflection of my worth.”
Create physical distance if needed – If possible, spend time in different environments or social circles to break the cycle of constant reminders.
5. Seek Professional Support
Managing ADHD limerence alone can be overwhelming, and therapy can provide valuable tools to navigate these emotions.
Find an ADHD-informed therapist – A therapist who understands ADHD can help you work through hyperfixation patterns and emotional dysregulation.
Try EMDR or trauma-informed therapy – If limerence is linked to past attachment wounds or rejection sensitivity, therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be beneficial.
Explore medication options – If limerence is significantly impairing your daily life, discussing ADHD medication adjustments with a psychiatrist may help regulate dopamine levels.
Join support groups – Online communities, ADHD coaching, or group therapy can provide encouragement from others who understand.
Take the Next Step Toward Emotional Freedom
If you’re struggling with ADHD limerence and want support from a therapist who truly understands ADHD, Changing Course Therapy is here to help. Our team of ADHD-informed therapists specializes in guiding individuals through the challenges of hyperfixation, emotional dysregulation, and relationship struggles.
If you live in Washington, Illinois, or Idaho, you can start working with a therapist who will provide personalized strategies to help you regain emotional balance, develop healthy attachment patterns, and move forward with confidence.
Take the first step today—schedule your first consultation and start your journey toward greater emotional freedom. If you live outside of these states, feel free to reach out–we would still like to help point you in the right direction!
References
Avila, M., Sánchez, M., & Guzmán, R. (2019). The link between infatuation, passionate love, and impulsivity in adolescents with ADHD. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 6630926. https://doi.org/10.xxxx
Tennov, D., & Moore, P. (2021). Cognitive-behavioral interventions for limerence: A case study. International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 6(4), 24-36. https://doi.org/10.xxxx
Jensen, L., & Wallace, R. (2024). Limerence, rumination, and ADHD: A scoping review. Journal of Behavioral Science, 12(2), 97-113. https://doi.org/10.xxxx